Walking the talk

Recounting my personal 'walk'

I was bullied at the early age of 5 up until the age of 12, watched my father leave the marital home and became fatherless for many years. I then went on a session of multiple house and school changes, living like a gypsy in many respects, resulting in a total of 14 different schools and probably double that in the way of homes, between the ages of 6 to the age of 13.

This in its self caused many knock on effects such as continuously being the NEW BOY! Being bullied, feelings of insecurity, lack of belonging, continuously making friends , then losing them, not to mention the pure lack of education. I just went from one subject to another not knowing how it started, what it was about and having no idea how to complete it. I would no sooner start to grasp what was being taught and then I would be uprooted and placed yet again into a lonely, strange environment with other strange and new learning's to be encountered. Only to find the same thing was to happen 14 more times in total.

I experienced poverty and hunger; some times I would go 3 days without food, only eating a few sweets or chew bars that coppers could buy. I know what it is like to be on the “Bread Line” Birthdays, and Christmas became agendas for other families, but not ours. They only served as reminders that we were different, and did not have money for extravagance such as gifts or presents. These were things that many other people considered to be normal practice. However we did somehow manage to enjoy what we did have, which was each other. Holidays for me were non existent and I got my very first holiday when I was 26 years of age, this was to Tenerife.

So moving on now, at the age of 9 I went to live back with my Father, he taught me every thing I know about independence. After just weeks I was keeping house, this involved, looking after my little brother Michael who was just 6. I would wash clothes, Iron them, clean the house, groom and dress my self and my brother Michael. Cook for all of us, shop, and get us both off to school each day. My Father was at work all the time and I only got to see him late at night if he woke me when he arrived home, but this was only for a few minutes as he never arrived home sooner that 2.00am.

While other kids would play after school I had chores to do but it was ok as I knew why I had this responsibility, I felt that I now had at least some control about what was happening.

My Father was in the hotel trade and this contributed to many more factors of fate to come, such as 7 more homes, schools and environments. My father was the life and soul of any social event and had a fantastic sense of humour; his down fall was the alcohol. Although it didn’t ever change his actual character or moods that you would notice, he was truly loved and adored by many, he was the sweetest most lovable and funny man you could wish to meet. He was however an alcoholic which sadly killed him at the early age of just 49.

At the age of 10 I was introduced to my father’s girl friend she was very kind and very sweet to start with but after she moved in with us things changed terribly. She would go into very quick mood swings of rage and anger; both my brother Michael and I soon became afraid of her especially when she would beat me.

I am thankful to her that she only chose me to abuse rather than Michael but they got worse and worse as time went on, maybe it was because I became resilient to the beatings and she could sense that my hurts were lesser, but there are two occasions when she went to far. The first I will tell you about now and the second later.

She would always use an instrument to hurt me with, usually what ever was close too hand. Mainly it was household wood such as stiff hand brushes or brooms or mops any thing that she could swing. If I managed to get away she would throw a missile such as ornaments, crockery, coins etc

Due to certain details that followed I have removed a large chunk of this section as they are graphic and personal. For those that are interested in this missing part, please feel free to e-mail me your details and I will send it on in "Word" format. I have done this on reflection that not all people are interested. It was included initially to reach other unfortunates that may still be trapped and THINK that there is no hope……………….